Boredom

The digital air conditioning thing is weird. It needs to learn how to understand how I'm feeling so that I do not have to play with it until I get positive results. Anyways, I accidentally took a nap earlier so now I am not sleepy. For once, I felt like not being anti-social so I got online, IMed some people from high school and ended up on the phone with Nirali a bit later on. It's weird how things have turned out, I wonder what everyone is doing. Then again, I don't have time to be wondering about stuff because I don't have time to keep up with what I'm doing. School is going okay. I had a political science test today. I feel like I deserve an A because I knew about 96% of what I was talking about. I have no idea how he grades though so maybe he will pick at everything I said and I will get a bad grade. I guess it's okay though because I still deserve an A and I know it. I have to do a five page research paper this weekend. Normally, that's no big deal but it has to be in Kate Terabian (Turabian?) style and I'm completely unfamiliar with that. Evidently, the correct usage of the style makes up most of our grade on this thing so I need to get everything just right. 

I feel really old. I don't mean like oh man my knees hurt though, it's entirely a mental state. I've always felt old. Maybe not like eighty but I've always felt older than my age. I'm not really sure what that means. I feel like I was never really a teenager, I forget that I am still a teenager, and I wonder if I will ever feel like one. At least I'm in control of things, that's a benefit of being old. I'm becoming more serious about wanting to go to pharmacy school. If I really want it, I'm sure I can do it.

I need about twelve hours to do homework and other random things I need to do. I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow so I could get some of those things done. Actually, I'd probably just sleep all day so I might as well be making some money. I get to cash my paycheck tomorrow. I don't really want to buy anything. Except maybe a book on Kate Turabian style. I think the Jeep runs better on Plus gasoline. Maybe the Jeep feels old too. I need to learn to have self-discipline so that I can force myself to study things I don't care about. I wonder why I can't remember math stuff. I know it's because I don't care about it. I think I actually do remember chemistry even though my mind has some kind of issue with chemistry.

Overall, my life is going really well and I am happy. I go to school so that hopefully one day I will get paid more than 6.75 an hour, I go to work for like 30 hours a week so that I can make 6.75 an hour, I see Mike because I love Mike and he's my number one priority, and I watch Naruto cause that's my hobby I suppose and I am an evil person who will probably never study. Eh, I'll be okay though. In my life, one thing I have learned so far and consider to be somewhat important is that nothing is ever really as bad as it seems and I am almost always able to do whatever I need to do. I'm not sure why I said any of this. I'm going to listen to Mandopop now until I am almost asleep and then switch over to JRock so I can wake up again and repeat. Not really. I love you Mike!

Currently Reading The Opposite of Fate By Amy Tan see related

I'm pretty much pleased with myself today, a job well done! Maybe I have even inspired Mike. The power was off today at work for about an hour and a half so work time was pretty fun. A lot of people were quite upset about not being able to get their medicine and a lot of doctors were unable to reach us and stuff though. This morning, I went to the college to pick up a few more books and found that everything is in besides my chem lab manual and a cd that comes with my math book. I think I'm going to buy myself a ridiculous birthday present, not sure what though. I have ruled out a second ear piercing or insanely expensive designer jeans so I'm moving on to something else. Maybe I don't really need anything but I really don't care. Soon I won't be able to afford much so I might as well make my last two big paychecks count. Hopefully my stupid computer rebate, credit card, debit card, and anything else I forgot about will arrive in the mail soon.

I love Mike!!! I can't wait to see you again tomorrow! I'm very proud of your calc test!!!

Xanga shit can be really irritating at times. I guess this is because you learn that the feelings of others are often hidden from you and it's just blah. You feel kind of bad when your mind starts reeling because it hurts you that someone never tells you what is really going on in their life. It's quite disconcerting to wake up one day and read on their xanga a bunch of stuff that you were previously oblivious to. I can't believe I'm 18 now, I don't feel 18. I've always felt much older than that mentally. Seven hours is a long time to work for like 43.75 pre-tax dollars. I'm not looking forward to going to the Georgia Highlands. The very name invokes a very negative feeling and makes me feel like a mentally deficient individual. It's nice to save money but I guess some of my dignity goes with it as retarded as that sounds. I haven't really wanted to do anything lately other than watch Naruto. I really could not care less what anyone else thinks, I like watching Naruto because I can understand the plot in the tired haze that my life has become within the past few weeks. I have a lot of things I need to do like clean my room, organize my bathroom more efficiently, install programs I need on my new computer, uhh exercise so when I have to take my stupid p.e. class (which required a 60 dollar book, what the hell!!) I'm not the lamest individual in the class. I thought about taking some sort of martial art but then I realized that I'm just delusional and whatever. I don't have time for that shit anyways. Man my hair is really ugly, thanks to everyone for never telling me that cause it probably wouldn't have helped. It looked okay when I left my house and by the time I accidentally saw myself in a mirror at work, it looked like bozo the clown hahaha. Anyways, at least my financial status isn't embarassing. My hard work has paid off and since I'm 18 now I'm getting a debit card in my own name and a credit card as well cause i need to build some credit. Maybe I'll buy a Chi or something from ebay with my new friends. I'm not really depressed or anything, I definitely feel like depression is an overused word. If you're depressed, I would say that it means your life just fucking sucks more days than it does not suck. I'm not depressed, most of my days are quite excellent and I'm completely happy. Today just fucking sucked and can go burn in hell. Although I don't believe in hell. I haven't really listened to music in forever, I don't even know what I like anymore. I turn on the radio and flip through the channels and nothing seems to appeal to me. Do I like this station or do I only like it because I have learned to do so? Should I get a cd player for my jeepie or should I stick with the cassette player? I really don't care.

I love you Mike. I hate it when people are annoying and try to overstep their boundaries. If someone has a girlfriend, should you leave little hearts on their xanga and try and act all cute with them? I wish your commentees (commenters?) would be more tasteful like Erin or another normal individual, and just have a rational civil conversation. Hi. I'm Mike's girlfriend. I read his xanga too ya know kiddo.